Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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