Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
