He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
