that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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