if only i could text you this smell
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
