The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
