broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
