i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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