is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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