Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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