my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
