A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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