Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
