did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
