Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
