Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize