I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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