I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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