rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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