wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
