I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
