By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
