i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
