I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pants are for mortals
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
