why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
