Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
