I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
