i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
