Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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