So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
