Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
