dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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