covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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