And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
