how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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