Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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