Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
