dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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