my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
