I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
