I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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