I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
