he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
