At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
