I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
