I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
