woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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