my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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