why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
