am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someone shattered a urinal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
