Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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