Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
