I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude. I can hear the air.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
