You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
