I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
