watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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