I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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