Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
