Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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