but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
