Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
