I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
