If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
