If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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