two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
