Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize