What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
