Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
