i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's get the cat blown out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
