I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
