Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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