yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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