I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
