Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
