He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
