maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My bed smells like the plague
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